the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
