I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
