She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
