I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
