Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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