i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
be right there i have to get my cape
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Randomize
