im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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