I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Come see our sink grown plant.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize