: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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