Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
