I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
