so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
