Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
