We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
