Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
