the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
