I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
