mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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