The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
