The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
