my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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