Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
