well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
