I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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