Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize