3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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