Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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