and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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