guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
