Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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