You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
