Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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