Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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