She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
