Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
