By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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