I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
