if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
so much tequila, so little girl.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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