Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
