dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize