he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
