Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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