Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
