how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
