I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
pray to the hookup gods
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
