I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
