Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
