I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
