Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
