i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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