I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
