God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
