so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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