Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize