Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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