so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
