I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
