hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
