What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
