Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
