Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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