I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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