Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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