She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
smell my finger.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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