Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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