I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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