I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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