dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
