i just google imaged poop.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
