Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
