So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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