Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
