Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
