best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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