Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
