please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
