Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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